The beginning of the end

11/8/2010

Today she lost her cellphone, then she wants to cut the service of the phone, yet the number is registered under her friend's boyfriend, and her friends also just broke up with that guy and didn't contact each other already. So it makes it hard to retrieve back her sim card, as she decide to cut the service her friend ask her to cut the service of my number also since we are all register under his name, so she don't need to contact that guy anymore and stuffs, but I want to remain my number but it's impossible the change my number back to prepaid without that guy's help. Then she keep ask me to cut the number, then I just say loudly I just wants to remain my number can't you understand??After that she cried, says that I never scolded her before, I have changed thingys. Well I admit I have changed that's why I want to break with her, I don't want her to see me like this, out of control, this thing will happen again if we continue the relationship. Night we went out we few friends, about 11pm I decided to go back to my hostel and pack my stuffs to back to Melaka the next morning. She was tired so she says she wants to follow me to my place and have a nap while the others are having their dinner at the mamak stall nearby. After we went up, she suddenly hold my hand and ask me what are our current relationship?I told her best friend. After awhile tears start roll down and I don't know what to do. Then she sort of begged me to get back to her, I keep refuse due to what happened this afternoon and some other stuffs. After a moment the others came back and bought me some food, they knocked the door and she doesn't allow me to open the door. So I wait her cool down for a moment only went to open the door but they went into their rooms already. Then until 12 something she is still crying to get back together she said if I don't promise her she don't want to go back to her hostel. Then I just don't care and asked her friend to fetch her back, she keep asked me how is she going to live without me. In my heart I was saying this is crap, nobody needs a person to continue their life, without sun, earth will still be spinning. Then she goes back.

12/8/2010

Today from the morning till afternoon she is still on the same topic. I am tired of repeating myself everytime she ask again and again and again and again, I make myself clear and told her that this is the last time I am saying we can't get back together already. So, stop fucking asking me! Then she said to me she feels like dying. She wants to die stuffs. This makes me more and more annoyed. I keep saying that I can't love you as much as last time already and keep her stop thinking bout death can solve everything. Then she just gave me a reply, "This is the last time you are going to talk to me on this world." After awhile she didn't reply she off-ed her phone and I can't contact her anyway so I continue to talk with my friend who just came to my house, in the evening she messaged me and said she ate panadols already, soon going to fall asleep, ask me to tell her I love her before she gets asleep, I panicked and keep on comfort her that there is no need to die. She keep force my to promise her I will get back with her in order to make her make herself vomit the panadols she ate out. I have no choice and I HATE IT! I promised her. Yet now, I feel like it's going to be my turn to suicide next. She just can't respect me, can't respect my decision, can't understand me, so selfish.

*sigh* wish I still have life to update the latest "news".

7/8/2010

Well for today was just straw, straw, straw, tired, tired, straw, tired, straw, tired, straw, tired, straw,tired, and STRAW AND TIRED!!!!!Still I have to do my project, then she asked me whether she can come over my place or not cause she need to wash clothes, but at that time I was still in college doing my assignment so I told her to ask her friend whether today can go her house overnight or not. The girl says yes, then at night that girl she's also same group with me for the project but she didn't plan to stay overnight at college and do. Then I end up doing another project when I go back to college after my dinner at Alif mamak stall. After doing it for awhile the other group members are going back already since it's kinda late. Then we sort of nothing to do for awhile she's at there too so she saw us doing nothing and she ask me to go back today since everyone is already back and you are doing nothing. Then there is a bigger possibility that tomorrow will need to stay overnight at college and I can finish my project at home tonight also. So I agreed and went back she come to here use my everything and leave lots of things here. Which makes me kinda mad, well I don't like seeing my stuffs are in a mess I need to help her do the laundry also. Can't even do my project peacefully and do my online stuffs peacefully. I wants to facebook awhile also she keep disturb me, then don't want to sleep till 3.12am. =/ I guess this is the night for me. Hoping that she doesn't come so often.

4/8/2010

Last night she messaged me, talk bout some stuffs then I guess she starts to accept that we can still be friends. Then she slept surprisingly early like 9 something. On the other hand, I slept at 4am which is very late due to oral presentation this morning and some project meeting. Well, still have two assignments more to go after today's oral presentation. Today's presentation I felt more nervous than other times after seeing my friends in the class did so well for it. They are superb, can see that they are not nervous at all, fluent and have their points. For me I feel I did badly but lecturer still say that it's not bad just that my part of slide have too much words already, the people listening to the presentation will intend to read rather than listen to me. After presentation I felt relieved and happy. Then my friends and I had our lunch at face-to-face again. Sigh.....(feels like eating there quite often this week) Now I am just tired but I still have to do my project because we need to done everything on the coming Monday.

Tonight had fun in campus's lecture theater watching "The Exorcist" which suppose to be a horror movie, but it ends up a comedy for us. Then after the show when my friends and I are at the car park, I saw other group of friends get into their car already and I run there and stick to the side door of the car and the girl got scared and scream, the guy got scared too. Had a fun night but now I have to get going with my assignments. =(

31/7/2010, evening she say she wants to come overnight at my place at 1st I rejected, then she say she got sick and she can't sleep well at her hostel, so I let her come. She came at 5 something, it was raining heavily luckily she brought an umbrella along, still the umbrella is not enough to cover the rain, due to wind, etc. so she reach here half wet. Then I helped her with her stuffs and helped her clean up herself, awhile later we went for dinner at "face-to-face" had a kinda happy meal there. After that we watched some movies together because too bored and nothing much to talk about halfway of the movie I kind of slept then she woke me. Then I go to my housemate's room to sleep.

1/8/2010, I woke up extra late today which is kind of abnormal for me. Because these days I can only sleep for 6 hours then I will automatically wake up. Well after awake she says she feeling sick so I made her hor yan ho herb tea for her but after drinking it she vomited quite a few times. When I just went out for awhile, she open my blog and read a few sentences and I immediately stopped her. Yet, she kind of cried then went out say let's go for lunch. After lunch, we went to find notebook which she need it. 7pm, my friends called for meeting which I already forgotten or I can say is I don't even know the time and we both haven't had our dinner yet. During meeting, I called her friend later need to fetch her back to her hostel, and she gave me a look and ask "who said I want to back to my hostel??" So I asked her, if you don't back to your hostel then tonight where she sleep. She answer me like it's so obvious, "your hostel lo......" Well, this is the time where I feel I need some space for myself and come on we have already break and where is my freedom??even after break up I also can't get my freedom??Then she gets emotional again, and tells me tomorrow she doesn't have class and have nothing to do plus she is sick blah, blah. My heart tells me well this is the last time letting her do things in her own way already, after that I will try to pull myself back up.