Then this few days, since I get into my college life she is being emotional everyday and I need to make her happy everyday even when I am rushing my assignments for submission the next morning when it's already 3am. Everytime after I finish my assignments the 1st thing that comes into my mind is SLEEP but I can't because of her I have to chat on phone with her till she sleeps. Due to sleep late EVERYDAY my emotional control kinda lost also I don't know why sometimes when people ask me bout something I shout back the answer and people feels like I am angry bout something that I am not. I didn't mean to do all those stuffs these days. I also just realized that I should spend more time with my family after get to college. Especially with parents I missed them so much when there is so much problems wish i can get into their hands to hold me tight again.
Sometimes she will unhappy for a moment then the next moment she can act like she wasn't upset by anything just now, which makes me feels "What's wrong with her?" She the kind of people that if got anything they just kept in their mind. I think I am tired of cheering her up daily, guessing what's in her mind daily, worrying she will be upset by anything.......
I think I am just tired already.
On 25/7/2010 the day I really can't take it anymore and I just request for break up. It's the day I feels I shouldn't care so much bout her anymore I need to think for myself and I need to stop myself suffering in this misery. Love should be two parties working together not just one side working. One sided love will never ever work she cares me like less already. Well.........
I am the only child in my family so I can easily feel who is caring bout me who is not.
28/7/2010, I feel maybe alcohol will be the cure for everything so I bought around 8 cans of beer and drink it all alone. That night I've told her I'm not at home just don't want her to know that I was drinking that night. YET she came to my hostel and my friends told me that she asked him to open the door for her, she wants to pass something back to me and my friend told me he success in preventing her from coming up and at that time I was already half drunk. Midnight I guess I felt hungry cause the next morning I wake up finding myself sleeping in a mamak stall nearby my hostel.
29/7/2010, today I am happy BUT in the noon she suddenly message me "Can you help me open the door for me please?" that time I wasn't even at home. At that time I was angry because she just come to my house without telling me a SHIT.......Then I told her that I am not at home. She said "O....nevermind la then I will just walk back......." In my mind,"OH GOSH WALK BACK?!This is KL what do you this is??Melaka?!" Then I just decided to take bus back then brought her upstairs she wasn't talking anything and I was kind of tired because in the morning after wake up at the mamak i go back packed up then I went for a swim at my friend's place. I just lie there and didn't start any converse with her just give her back whatever that's belong to her.........Then she lie on the other end of the bed so I think that she's tired as well so I gave her my blanket because it's kind of cold in my room and I get up from my bed and sit up to do my facebook-ing and msn-ing stuffs. After awhile she gets up and see what am I doing and that time is also near dinner time..........Just going to skip some part. After dinner a friend asked wannna go play pool?And that will be a yes for me so i invited her, and my housemate too......We went and back happily so i did sleep peacefully that night without calling her because as for now, I take our relationship as friends.
30/7/2010, today during class I just suddenly feel so freakin happy mostly due to she accepted we continue our relationship just as friends for now already. Then when I just reach home, she just asked me what's our relationship now?(via sms) I answer her friend. Then she starts everything again. AGAIN she ruined my day when I thought everything would be OK already. It seems I am just so wrong bout that.Tonight I bought 12cans of beer thought i can get drunk again and don't need to think bout anything anymore. But I was wrong..........I start drinking at 10++pm till 4am today I didn't get drunk at all just feeling hot. Now I really don't know what to do and I have been posting LOTS of status on facebook complaining stuffs and I feels my friends on facebook will feel that I am annoying and stuffs so I feels i need a place to write out my feelings so I just create a blog. Because I feel that no one understand me. Maybe I just confused I feel I am such disgrace to my family for drinking so much these days.
